September 11 2001 - Lost Innocence (A 9/11 Guest Blog)

Tania is a good friend who lives in Australia. Be sure to take some time and visit her blog, Crooked_Fairytale.

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I doubt there are many who don't remember where they were on September 11 2001.

For me it was  the evening and I was on the computer scanning the internet and reading emails.  Suddenly a haunting image appeared on my screen - it was one of the twin towers in smoke.  A plane had just crashed into it.  I couldn't comprehend what I was seeing, how could a plane crash into a 110 storey building in the middle of the day?  it just seemed surreal.  Did the pilot have a heart attack? How did no one spot this earlier?

It seemed only moments later that a second plane crashed into the second tower.  It was like a scene from a movie and in fact my step-brother was in a bar in the UK at the time and he and his mates watched thinking it was a new Die Hard Film.

I can't remember how long I sat there, probably only minutes when I realised that it wasn't a movie it was real , something unimaginable had happened. Somehow I made it to the lounge and the tv.  Carnage was everywhere, smoke, fire, falling debris. Oh my God we are at war I thought.

I didn't sleep, I don't think anyone around the world slept that day, I couldn't look away from my television.  The images I saw were shocking and burned into my retinas, I won't forget them, visions of people jumping and falling from heights that they would never survive from.  What made them do it?  Was it that bad that willingly jumping was better than waiting hoping for rescue?

Since then I have watched every piece of footage that was available, it became like an obsession.  I don't know why, I couldn't stop, I cried, I still cry.  I had so many questions.  I tried to live those last moments working out if there was anyway more people could have survived.  Questions that have been asked by thousands even millions, questions that will never have answers.

I don't believe in war, I hate violence but I do understand the pain, the need to lash out, that moment of insanity when you want to lash out and hurt those who hurt you, these things I understand and I think it is necessary to feel those emotions before you can move on.  

Many people died that day, people are still dying from subsequent issues from that day, for those families involved, the heartache still goes on but like all of us they move forward trying to find their way in the world.

The gift of life is powerful and keeps going regardless, and no matter what adversity we face as human beings, no matter how much horror that gift keeps us going, we rise above the ashes stronger, more respectful of one another, more willing to stretch out a hand to help.  

My prayer is that we don't need any more disasters for us to remember why we are here and who we were born to be.

(This is the fifth in a series. Be sure to read all of the entries before and those to follow.)